


Freeze Pops

by romulusgloriosus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: "Inktober", Bittersweet, Fantastic Racism, Fascism, Gen, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 00:01:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20898302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/pseuds/romulusgloriosus
Summary: Roxy makes a nostalgic treat for her son and reflects with Jane on their lifelong friendship. Gamzee is there at one point. Takes place during the 10 year time skip in The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy. I wrote this for "Inktober" since I can't draw. Day 4's prompt was "Freeze."





	Freeze Pops

Jane Crocker, clad in a red power suit, walks with purpose through the halls of her mansion towards the heart of her empire – the kitchen. This is where the magic happens every night on TVs across Earth C: _The Crocker Kitchen with Jane and Jake. _It’s Jane’s favorite part of her job, where she cooks up whatever recipe comes to mind that day and _strongly encourages _the people of Earth C to make it for themselves and consume it. Eat it. “Consume” is a loaded word, of course. She doesn’t want to come across as mimicking certain previous power structures _too _closely, especially when those power structures were headed by an alien monster. _The Crocker Kitchen_ is also available on streaming services, so you can eat what Jane tells you to for every meal if you want. And you do want. You want what Jane is cooking.

But that’s neither here nor there. Jane is not going to film after all – filming took place hours ago. No, Jane is just going to the kitchen to make something for herself. Kitchencraft, in addition to being the foundation of her empire, has always been her most beloved hobby. She has never loved anything in the world more, and it continues to center her even on her most difficult days. There’s nothing quite like bringing a bunch of disparate ingredients together and smashing them, mixing them, and applying heat until they are one singular unrecognizable product. Cooking is order. Cooking is civilization. Cooking is what separates humanity from the beasts. Most importantly, cooking is delicious.

Even the woman who owns the world needs to relax sometimes!

She saunters into the kitchen to find that it is already occupied. Standing by the fridge is one of her wards – by which she means “old friends who live with her now” – Roxy Lalonde. The woman is wearing a long pink dress and has dark bags under her eyes from lack of sleep, and has gained a bit of weight from stress eating Crocker delights. It’s a testament to Roxy’s willpower that she hasn’t fallen off the wagon in terms of her drinking, but she still has an addictive personality and a tendency to fall into despair, and Jane’s cake has been there to comfort her lately. Roxy isn’t eating anything right now though. She’s pouring some orange juice into an ice cube tray while humming to herself the love theme to some stupid movie from the 1990s of Earth B.

JANE: Is everything all right, dear?

Roxy drops the container of orange juice onto the floor in shock.

ROXY: oooomg holy shit janey dont sneak up on me like that!!!! omg!!!!!  
JANE: This is my house, Roxy. I live here. You should expect me at all times!  
ROXY: yea ok w/e u say just mb take louder steps or something idk  
JANE: I’m wearing heels! You can hear me all the way down the hall. I think you were just off in the void again. You would think as a Rogue you would’ve been able to detect me better.  
ROXY: yea im v sneaky but that dont mean i hear for shit  
ROXY: neway HI JANEY NICE TO SEE U IN UR KITCHEN I SEE U NOW

Jane looks down at the orange juice leaking out all over the floor.

ROXY: sry ill get that

Roxy snaps her fingers and the orange juice and its bottle vanish instantaneously. Another bottle appears, completely full, on the counter next to the ice tray.

ROXY: i dont gotta snop but i think it makes it cooler when i do lol  
JANE: I still think it’s so neat how you can do that, hoo hoo hoo!  
ROXY: yea its p cool ngl  
JANE: So what exactly are you doing there? Don’t tell me that you plan to use orange juice to make ice cubes.  
ROXY: um yea janey thats exactly what im doing  
ROXY: u mean to tell me that u  
ROXY: jane crocker  
ROXY: never made juicey pops as a kid  
JANE: No?  
ROXY: ok mb its too simple for u lol but i used to make these all the time  
ROXY: of course the ones i made had vodka in them too because of my problem

Roxy doesn’t frown or show any sign of emotion at the memory. Is she happy because of the childhood nostalgia or sad because of her drinking problem? As long as Jane has known her, Roxy has always been the hardest of her friends to read. Not like her husband, Jake, who clearly has the emotional intelligence of a house fly, or her dearly departed friend Dirk, who always tried his best to let her know what was going on in that head of his. Not a day goes by where Jane doesn’t wish that the forces of fate that had elected to take Dirk away from her would have just taken Jake instead. Dirk had drive, ambition, and the best advice. Jake was only good for his looks, and she had gotten tired of them pretty quickly into their marriage. He was an effective trophy husband, at least. The whole planet salivated over Jake Crocker, and knowing that Jane had him in her bed every night gave her additional societal dominance. That was probably the only reason she didn’t make him sleep on the couch. His habit of crying himself to sleep at night had gotten very old very fast.

ROXY: neway i thought i might make them for harry anderson lol  
ROXY: share a bit of my childhood with my son  
ROXY: lmao so crazy to think what a different world i grew up in from harry anderson lol  
ROXY: even tho i guess its literally the same world but like a billion years later or w/e  
ROXY: different universe tho which is a much bigger deal lol lol lol  
ROXY: and also hes got friends irl who he can see at school u no hes not just stuck talking to internet peeps from hundreds of years ago  
ROXY: i love my internet peeps from the past tho dont get me wrong  
ROXY: <3 u janey  
ROXY: <3 <3 <3  
ROXY: janey  
ROXY: janey u listening to me  
ROXY: EARTH C TO JANEY  
JANE: Oh! Sorry Roxy, I guess I was off in the void that time, hoo hoo hoo!  
ROXY: its all good i no u got a lot on ur mind  
ROXY: wanna talk a lil im all ears lol  
JANE: Someone seems eager.  


Roxy looks away for a moment. Jane feels a warmth in her chest at having successfully shattered Roxy’s constant poker face even it’s fleeting. A second later, Roxy is back to smiling.

ROXY: yea eager for GIRL TALK lol we LIVE TOGETHER janey didnt we always talk about what it was gonna be like if we could do that  
ROXY: slumber parties 24/7  
ROXY: talkin bout cute boys and painting each others nails  
ROXY: pillow fights lol  
JANE: We were twelve, Roxy.  
ROXY: yea but like wouldnt it be cool if we could just like do that mb  
ROXY: like evry so often  
ROXY: for fun lol

Jane frowns.

JANE: Roxy, I know that you’ve been having a hard time lately but regression like this just isn’t healthy. We aren’t twelve year old girls anymore. We’re women in our thirties. We’re mothers. We’re goddesses. We have a responsibility to ourselves, our children, and this planet to be strong, mature adults and stewards of our creation.  
ROXY: yea ok ur right janey sry  
JANE: Good. Now how about we put these “juicy pops” in the freezer! Harry Anderson will just adore them I’m sure, hoo hoo hoo!  
ROXY: yea ill make a second batch so tavros can have some too lol itd be so cute  
JANE: Sure.

Gamzee Makara, Jane’s paramour, enters the room. He’s wearing a black shirt with the Crocker Corp logo on it and pants with red-colored polkadots. He belches loudly upon entry. The stench fills the room.

GAMZEE: eXcUuUuUuSe Me LaDiEs, Am I iNtErRuPtInG a MoThErFuCkInG GIRL mOmEnT hErE mY sExY bItChEs?  
ROXY: hey gamz!!! ur good we were just talking about the juicy pops im making for the kids lol  
GAMZEE: mOtHeRfUcKiN jUiCy PoPs? mY gIrL, mY SiS, mY bAdDeSt oF BiTcHeS...tHaT sOuNdS MoThErFuCkIN mAgIcAl  
ROXY: stick around and u might be able to have some lol  
ROXY: itll be  
ROXY: miraculous :o)  
GAMZEE: oH mY wOrD  
GAMZEE: yOu gOnE aNd JuSt DoNe MaDe My PuRpLe HeArT eXpLoDe mY sWeEt RoXiTa  
GAMZEE: DoN’t mInD iF i mOtHeRfUcKiN dOoOoOoOoO :o)  
JANE: No.

Jane holds her hand up.

JANE: Oh wow, no.  
JANE: You are forbidden from ever entering this kitchen again. No.  
JANE: Never, never, never again. Never.  
JANE: Wow.  
GAMZEE: oH dOn’T bE lIkE tHaT mY sWeEt CrEaMy NaNnA  
GAMZEE: yOuR cLoWn BoY’s gOt A cRaViNg ThAt CaN oNlY bE sAtIsFiEd bY sOmE  
GAMZEE: mother  
GAMZEE: FUCKING  
GAMZEE: jUiCY pOpS :o)  
JANE: GET OUT OF MY FUCKING KITCHEN!  
GAMZEE: oK oK iM gOnE!  
GAMZEE: god  
GAMZEE: DAMN  
ROXY: its ok gamz ill bring u some later lol

Gamzee winks and blows a kiss to Roxy. Roxy catches it and giggles. Jane glares at Roxy.

ROXY: i dunno i just think hes funny lol  
JANE: The both of you are insufferable sometimes. At least he has the excuse that he can never actually be a normal human being on account of not even being a human being, but you? When are you going to GROW UP, Roxy Lalonde?  
ROXY: i dunno...i dont know janey  
ROXY: im so sorry  
JANE: Sigh...what am I going to do with you? I forget what I even came in here to do. Perhaps, just this once, I’ll order a pizza.

A ghost of a smile appears on Jane’s face.

JANE: And maybe we can watch some movies, and talk about cute boys, and even...paint our nails.  
ROXY: omg janey u rly mean it!?!?!?!?!??!!?  
JANE: Only so we can finally get it out of your system, hoo hoo hoo!  
ROXY: ur the best janey omg i love u so gd much  
ROXY: we r gonna have the best nite EVAR  
JANE: Go ahead and pick a movie to watch, I’ll order it.  
ROXY: ok so have u ever see failure to launch??? its actually rly not that bad  
JANE: Is that the one with Matthew Mcconaughey?  
ROXY: yea u gotta see it ive only seen it like a hundred times but a hundred and one isnt gonna hurt lol  
JANE: I’m going to regret letting you pick the film, aren’t I?  
ROXY: no way lol

Roxy throws her arm around Jane’s shoulders, and the two of them walk out of the kitchen together. Even the woman who owns the world needs to relax sometimes.


End file.
